The Rant! 😡 #15: Keypad Tones, why?

Posted: August 4, 2015 in 😡 The Rant!
Tags: , , ,

Its the summer of 2015, the future that we have all been promised is just over the horizon. Kind of. We have access to wonderful exciting ground breaking technology at our fingertips with a whole new world of innovation just around the corner.

The mobile phone has been around for at least 20 years, and believe me it has changed my life. As much as I don’t like to admit it, I would find it very difficult to live without it. Despite the fact that this little portable communication device has been in our lives for as long as it has, for some reason some people have not discovered how to disable keypad tones. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!!!

Listening to somebody texting a long essay to somebody with keypad tones enabled, is like listening to a heart rate monitor hooked up to your worst enemy in the hopes of finally hearing it flatline. Every beep of every typed letter torments me until the only thing I can imagine is me ripping the phone out the person hands and braining them with it. And I’m not even a violent person.

Whilst I was layzily searching for images on the internet that would best convey my sense of rage against my fellow commuter, I came across this little beauty from a website called spreadjesus.org. I found it mildly satisfying.

                                                        Yes, when you don’t disable keypad tones.

Before anybody gets there knickers in a twist, let me just say that I am not a complete idiot. I do realise some people require these sounds as a signifier in order to let them know they have pressed the button. So elderly people and disabled people are exempt from this rant. This is aimed at those other idiots who are more than aware of what they are doing to annoy us, but they just don’t give a shit about mine or anybody else’s sanity.

During my non-existent research for this rant, I discovered that this problem is common in men and women in their late 40s early 50s. The type of people that resisted getting a mobile phone in the late 90’s because they didn’t want to be “oppressed by the technology”. Fast forward a couple decades, and now they find themselves with an old Nokia that’s been handed down to them by one of their children whom is now spending their time gazing and swiping the screen of a flashy smart phone.

If you belong to this subgroup of people and have not had a mobile phone long enough to be up to date with the PPE (Public Phone Etiquette), allow me to share some wizdom from my many years of experience.

5 Helpful tips to stop people hating you:

  • Don’t talk loud for no reason. Nobody is interested in your conversation. If possible refrain from talking at all because your voice is probably annoying.
  • Don’t handle your phone whilst operating a vehicle. This is highly dangerous and no message or phone call is worth dying for. Seriously, don’t do this.
  • Don’t be a Phone Zombie (See my previous post The Rant #14)
  • Any type of musical ringtone that plays your favourite song when you’re receiving a call, is no longer cool. In fact it never was cool and it’s definetly not cool now.
  • Turn off your f**king Keypad Tones!!!

The request is a simple one, please please please turn off the Keypad tones. In fact turn off all tones. All phones have the vibrate feature, why do people feel it’s even necessary to use both? I have not heard my phone make a sound for over 3 years and I don’t miss it. I am never that far away from my phone or away from it long enough to miss anything remotely important. And If I do happen to miss a call I will be notified immediately.

I am declaring that in 2015 keypad tones are out dated and should not be used in public anymore. Feel free to use them in your own home or in public, but at your own risk.

Sebastian Bowen. 

The Fishtank Podcast.

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