Sour Tales ๐Ÿ„ #04: July-August 2013

Posted: October 11, 2015 in ๐Ÿ„ Sour Tales

 

In every company there are people who love a cup of tea or coffee. In every company somebody is responsible for buying the milk for those beverages. Milk is not free so everybody needs to donate. One man has made it his business to make sure you do, and his name is, The Soulless Bureaucrat, and these are his Sour Tales.

Hello All

Request for July and August funds.

Yes Iโ€™m making a request for calendar month of July and August funds. Iโ€™ll be making a request for September funds later this month.

I have been on annual leave intermittently throughout August so have not been able to send my usual email for July or August.

In my absence Pam once again stood in the breach to ensure milk was purchased.

Some of you have already paid for the month of July. Rest assured: my spreadsheet knows who you are.

A list of current milk club members can be emailed to you. Some of you are on the 2nd floor; some on the 3rd floor.

Please know that the Milk Fund is a fellowship of equal tea drinkers (and to a lesser extent: coffee drinkers)

Note: if you are a member of the milk fund you may partake of the milk on either floor.

E.g. imagine someone from the 2nd floor who finds themselves in the exotic and dizzying heights of the 3rd floor. Though they may find themselves amongst strangers they will find the Milk Fundโ€™s warm embrace reaches them there.

Simply look for the bottle with the childish handwriting from a cheap biro on an even cheaper post-it note.

In other news: please do not screw the lid over the bag as this causes milk to leak into the bag,

 

This will result in termination of membership

 
Please refrain from doing this as it is disgusting.

Note: It is important to re-tie the knot after use (ensuring that the bag covers the lid) as a means of preventing โ€˜milk pilferingโ€™, which is the single greatest threat to milk solvency.

In keeping with our โ€˜snitch-a-colleagueโ€™ scheme, please report suspected milk thieves to me. Whilst I wonโ€™t take any real action; a campaign of hissing and evil stares will be initiated against these people. This is intended to achieve nothing, other than making me feel slightly better.

It is the duty of every milk club member to ensure the security of milk.

Some people have had difficulty in tying the carrier bag around the bottle in a secure way.

Refer to my previous email for the instructional video demonstrating the correct way to do it. Failure to complete training will result in cancellation of membership.

Another threat to solvency is cereal eating.

The milk club is for drinkers of beverages, which require the addition of milk, only. Cereal eaters should buy their own milk separately or use water.

Regards,

The Soulless Bureaucrat.

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