Sour Tales ๐Ÿ„ #05: September 2013

Posted: June 17, 2016 in ๐Ÿ„ Sour Tales

In every company there are people who love a cup of tea or coffee. In every company somebody is responsible for buying the milk for those beverages. Milk is not free so everybody needs to donate. One man has made it his business to make sure you do, and his name is,ย The Soulless Bureaucrat, and these are his Sour Tales.

Hello All

Request for September funds.

This should also serve as a reminder that some of you have yet to pay for July and August.

I will make the October request later this month

Many of you will have seen notices promising โ€˜freeโ€™ tea and coffee via email and on notice boards.

None of these have made any mention of milk provision.

There was talk of free milk provision. So far this has proved to be nothing more than talk.

The milk fund members are a grim-hearted cabal for whom seeing-is-believing. We have long abandoned those hopes of sunlit uplands comprising free milk provision.

Milk thieving itself is becoming even more blatant. Whereas last month someone artfully cut a small hole in the bag to obtain access; this month someone just tore the bag open.

Having referred this case to CrimeWatch the following results have come back. We are looking at 2 distinct groups of thieves with very different psychological profile types. The first is skilful and calm under pressure (possibly also carries out safe-cracking in their spare time). The second is likely short-tempered and possessed of greater physical strength. The second personality type is likely to be furtive; have bulging psychotic eyes, and possibly does not tuck their shirt into their trousers correctly. Members of the Milk Fund are advised to avoid confronting the second personality type.

Unfortunately, the e-fit photograph was unclear: therefore an arrest and conviction are unlikely.

Note: It is important to re-tie the knot after use (ensuring that the bag covers the lid) as a means of preventing โ€˜milk pilferingโ€™, which is the single greatest threat to milk solvency.

It is the duty of every milk club member to ensure the security of milk.

Some people have had difficulty in tying the carrier bag around the bottle in a secure way.

If this persists I may have to introduce a mandatory bag tying training seminar; failure to complete training may result in cancellation of membership.
Another threat to solvency is cereal eating.

The milk club is for the supplementation of hot beverages, only. Cereal eaters should buy their own milk separately or use water.

Kind regards,

The Soulless Bureaucrat.

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