Posts Tagged ‘#rant’



I haven’t had a good rant for some time, but this one had to be done.

It has happened to all of us. We find ourselves in a supermarket standing in a queue and the person in front of us is constantly trailing away from the queue to get other items.


This is called shopping, they should no longer be in the queue. The queue is for those people that have finished shopping and are now ready and waiting to pay.

It’s a simple concept but some people have figured out ways to try and manipulate the system. I’m here to expose those people and their deplorable tactics.

Don’t get me wrong people, I’m not an idiot I understand sometimes you might see the odd item that you didn’t know you needed within grabbing distance in the isle whilst queuing,


but if you have to walk more than a couple meters away from the queue to get it, then you have given up your queuing privileges. You are now back to shopping. Get the hell out the queue!

This one women took the biscuit. She started queuing before me with an almost empty trolley but every few seconds she would dart off and return moments later with more items until her trolly was almost full.

What’s worst, when it was time for her to pay, she still held up the queue by disappearing through the isles once again and somehow returned with another trolley full of stuff. Yes you read that correctly, ANOTHER TROLLY FULL OF STUFF!


It was as if she was using the trolley in the queue as some sort of place holder whilst she went gallivanted around the shopping centre returning once every so often to the queue just to dump a few items. Unbelievable.

This is not a fair way to shop people. Stop trying to be smart it’s not cute.

However, I am fair, there are one or two exceptions I am willing to allow:


1. If you are already standing in the queue and you notice an item is damaged or you accidentally picked up the wrong item and you want to exchange it for another one.

This is perfectly acceptable but should be done with an exaggerated facial expression whilst holding and looking at the item disapprovingly accompanied by a big sigh and a shake of the head.

Thus giving the people behind you an exlplanation as to why you are leaving the queue and your trolley unattended.

Please note: This technique should never be performed more than twice on the same shop. It is likely to attract less sympathy and patience from the people behind you on a second attempt. Just pay for your slightly damaged goods and move on.

2. There is also a time limit.

People leaving the queue naturally create anxieties for the others that are still queuing. Leaving them to ask themselves questions like:

When are you coming back?

Can they take your place if you don’t return before the cashier has finished serving the person in front of you?

What’s the correct shopping etiquette for something like this without causing an all out riot!

In some places like South East London where I grew up, jumping the queue could leave you with some broken limbs. You would be an idiot just to assume.

Queue Shopping is immoral and unnecessary unless you are purposely trying to piss people off. Nobody is fooled by your antics, but I can guarantee they are highly irritated. So the next time you are in your local supermarket, ask yourself one question, am I shopping or am I queuing?

Sebastian Bowen.

The Fishtank Podcast.


This is one that really bothers me, because it’s something we all learn as children, but for some reason we don’t respect as adults. Too many times whether it be on the train or in other public spaces, some people don’t like to share seating space. For sake of this rant I am referring to public benches or train passenger seats.
Let me give you a few examples.

Scenario 1: The Seat Filler.

I board a busy train in the morning and look for a seat. Many people are standing up but I can still see random spaces. I look to see why people are not using any of the available seats and low and behold there are bags on them.

Extreme case of chair filling

As if that wasn’t bad enough when I ask a person to move their bag, instead of apologising and moving it quickly, you have the audacity to look at me and scoff. it’s not like I have asked them to share their morning coffee with me or anything, JUST MOVE YOUR BAG!

Scenario 2: The Bench Hogger.

I’m walking in the park or some other open public space. My legs eventually get tired and I decide that I want to sit down. I walk over to a bench that is easily able to seat two possibly three people easily, but some idiot has sat right in the middle of the bench. As he sees me approaching he makes no effort to slide along to either end. Please don’t be like this guy, he’s an idiot. In cases like these I will choose to sit as close to you as possible to make you feel uncomfortable and eventually obliged to move along.

Extreme case of bench hogging

Scenario number 3: The Seat Blocker. 

I board a busy train looking for a seat. There are a few darted around but all appear to be the middle seat of a three seater, or a single seat next to the window. For some reason some adults don’t like to sit in these seats and they try to keep them vacant for their imaginary friends. When you see people desperate for a seat just MOVE DOWN! Don’t make me have to step over you and your bags like a poor mans obstacle course and attempt to acrobatically contort myself into the space. Either way I’m sitting down so you might as well make it easy for all of us instead of getting your feet crushed as I “accidentally” step on them to get in.

When I am in an aisle seat an the window seat is vacant I shift across to the window seat making it easy for the person standing to sit in the aisle seat. This is logical behaviour. Don’t be an idiot and make people’s lives more stressful than it has to be.

This is a key indicator to give up your seat.

Also I shouldn’t even need to type this, but shame on you if you’re one of those people who bows their heads and pretends not to notice the elderly person or a women wearing a baby on board badge when she is standing and waiting for a seat. Get up and stop being selfish.

We teach our children to move down to allow other children to sit down, so why do we throw away this logic when it comes to each other when we are adults. We all like to sit down at times but some of us make it more difficult for the others. The next time you’re sitting down and somebody else is standing check yourself and make sure you are not the reason why.

Art by Niko Grimwords

When I first heard that China had introduced designated walking paths for people using their mobile phones, I laughed and thought it was a ridiculous idea. Fast forward almost a year and I find myself begging that London will introduce something similar.

Mobile lane in China

Apart from the consistently unreliable bane of my life that is London Public Transport, mobile phones are the leading cause of crowd congestion in the city. Actually let me rephrase that, idiots on mobile phones are the leading cause of crowd congestion in the city.

One moment you are perfectly happy walking at a normal socially acceptable pace, only to find yourself taking pigeon steps to your destination. Sometimes it takes me longer to get out of a tube station than it does for The Undertaker to walk to the ring at Wrestlemania (If you’re not a wrestling fan you will have to trust me on this one, it’s long). The most common location for the congestion for some reason is near the entrances and exits of all Tube stations. The cause of this is usually some bloody nincompoop walking at a snails pace whilst looking down at their phone either texting or checking directions.

Some people are completely overwhelmed by their texting and come to a complete halt. They stand there oblivious to the world whilst everybody else tries to shuffle around them like a disobedient child that won’t get off of the floor in Tesco’s on a Saturday. Move tot he side or get out of the way you fool.

Everybody in the city has a phone and unfortunately everybody thinks they have mastered the capability of multitasking. The truth is they haven’t. I must admit I am a culprit of this myself. However not all of us are totally incapable of doing both at the same time. I am one of those people who can manage to maintain a consistent reasonable walking speed whilst operating my device, thus reducing any disruption for my fellow commuters. Why some people feel the need to come to a complete stop is beyond me. After all, it is supposed to be a mobile phone, mobile being the key word.

I think it is time we introduced a mobile lane to the streets of London so all of the zombies can be late together. It is clear from their lack of pace that punctuality is not something they care for. I don’t see why the rest of us need to be punished. Anyone caught in a non-mobile lane using their phone should have to take a forfeit chosen by  the angry commuters that are being held up behind them. This would not only serve as a reasonable punishment but it would be hugely entertaining and a satisfying addition to my day.

So the next time you are out and about and you find yourself replying to a text in a busy public space. Take a moment to look up from your shiny precious phone to ensure you are not the one that is causing the traffic and being a complete douchebag. You could be doing it right now!

Sebastian Bowen. 

The Fishtank Podcast.

This rant is long overdue.

Every morning I am forced to endure the constant torment that is London public transport. If that wasn’t bad enough, most days I find myself sitting or more than likely standing next to some guy picking his nose.

Firstly let me start by saying that this problem is not restricted to men, I have seen women doing it too. I thought that this was a dirty habit that people grew out of by the age of three, in fear of being teased by fellow pre-school classmates. Well that’s how it was in my day. If you got caught picking your nose nobody would associate with you. My social circles were filtered even back then.

People have come up with so many different elaborate ways of extracting their slimy emerald nasties. Some are blatant with it, some try to be sneaky with it assuming you don’t know what they are up to.

Recently I was unfortunate enough to sit opposite a guy who was so brazen with it. He was knuckle deep into his nostril before I had to say something to him. It was making me feel sick, I needed him to stop so I opened my bag and offered him a spoon. He looked at me as if he wanted to shoot me. He was clearly embarrassed and stopped what he was doing immediately. Result! Feel free to use that one, it works every time.

Then you have the eaters, the ultimate level of gross. This is not uncommon either I can honestly say I witness this on a daily basis. Again some of them are covert about it but others don’t give a damn. They will chew on that mucus like its a fresh stick of gum. In some ways though eating it is better, because it means they are not flicking it or wiping it on the seat.

The scientific term for picking your nose is rhinotillexis and the term used for eating it is mucophagy. Scientist argue that there are some benefits to eating nasal mucus, but I am not entertaining that theory, the very thought of doing it makes me want to heave.

If you are one of those people that enjoys picking their nose, please do it in the comfort of your own home. Nobody needs to see that.

Sebastian Bowen.

The Fishtank Podcast.

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Over the years people’s manners have become almost non-existent. There was once an unwritten rule that if you were trying to enter a public building or transportation that you would step aside and let the people trying to exit go first. This is not only polite but it’s also common sense. That rule appears to be a thing of the past these days.

On many occasions I find that I am the only one at a train station that has the patience to let people off before I go storming on looking for an available seat. I understand that getting a seat is important to some people, but that seat is still going to be there after you allow people to get off the train first.

Whilst I’m on the subject of manners, it is also good etiquette to say thank you to somebody when they hold a door open for you. The amount of times I have been surprised at the lack of gratitude from people, is far too often. People behave as if I am employed to hold the door open for them, and even if I was, there is no reason why you shouldn’t say thank you. Having manners and treating people a certain way helps to build a sense of community and unity. This should be a universal goal for all of us.

I want to share some simple rules that I was taught by my parents growing up. They have helped me to be a better person in society and I am hoping they can help you to.

  1. Always say please and thank you, it can never hurt.
  2. Always address your elders with respect.
  3. Allow people to exit before you enter. (Wait your turn)
  4. Share with and help others instead of standing back and watching people struggle.
  5. Treat others with respect don’t be a douche bag.
  6. Clean up after yourself because nobody else wants to do it for you.
  7. Respect differences.
  8. Don’t eat with your mouth open. Nobody wants to see that.
  9. Never use profanity or violence to make a point or resolve an issue. This can be hard at times.
  10. Admit when you are wrong and always be willing to apologise. Take responsibility.

There are a lot more I could have shared with you, but I believe if people can embrace just these ten rules then the world would be a better place to live.

I know a lot of you are probably unaware of your rudeness and are completely oblivious to your own ignorance, but it’s not too late to change. Please teach and encourage young children how to behave and share my ten rules with them. Let’s all try to make this world a place we all want to live.

Sebastian Bowen.

The Fishtank Podcast.

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Amazon provides a wonderful service, it’s very quick and easy and hard to fault. But If there is one thing that I do not like about their service it would have to be the wasteful packaging.

Usually when I purchase merchandise, I like to go to the shops and buy it the old fashioned way from the merchant. I find that this helps to reduce mistakes, packaging and the length of time I have to wait before I can actually get my hands on the product. Occasionally though I am lucky/lazy and I find a deal or two online and I think to myself, why not.

So the other day I ordered a couple of kitchen utensils from Amazon. A standard spatula set to be precise, and this is what turned up.

The box is massive, it’s around the size of three size ten shoeboxes side by side. Surly this must be a mistake. This box is far too big for what I ordered. Oh well I guess I should take a look inside.

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Wow, a ton of packaging. It must be protecting something really fragile and valuable. I wonder what it could be.

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No way.

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Really. All this, for this!

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I’m grateful that I have my spatulas but they could have just sent them in a small padded envelope. I know it’s a small nitpick but it has massive consequences on the environment. Keep up the good work Amazon but reduce the packaging.

Sebastian Bowen.
The Fishtank Podcast.

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What the hell is going on with the music industry these days? Did I miss a memo that said music videos are now three minute pornographic adverts?

There is a huge difference between embracing your sexuality, sexualisation and sex. Everything now looks like a scene from a porno. There appears to be a lot more skin on show and every video seems to be promoting the same image and the same message, sex sex sex.

It’s got to the point where I cannot let my child watch any music videos in fear of polluting his mind. Whilst I was writing this I was deciding whether or not to attach some example clips or links. I decided against it because I didn’t think it was necessary, everybody knows the type of videos I am referring to. Additionally I did not want to inadvertently advertise or promote any of these atrocities so I have only used a few images to get my point across.

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Over the last two decades music and sex have become synonymous. The record companies keep pumping out garbage and people keep lapping it up like dogs around vomit. The quality of music has declined and the level of sex required to sell these talentless artists has increased. I don’t even believe we have seen the worst. Record companies will continue to push the boundaries of decency and we will continue to allow them to.

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I recently took my six year old nephew to a birthday party, and the amount of young infant girl’s twerking and simulating sex on the dance floor was uncomfortable to say the least. Some of the parents looked embarrassed but not concerned enough to stop them, and the others were actually proud of their children and encouraged them to carry on.

I asked one parent if she thought that type of dancing was appropriate. She said she didn’t, but the kids learn this stuff from the television so there is nothing she can do.

WTF do you mean there is nothing you can do! Change the channel Or Switch it off!

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People behave like just because these videos are not advertised with an 18 certificate they are powerless to stop their children watching it. That’s madness. I control my household and I am responsible for what a child will experience when they are in my house. The same way I would not let a child watch a horror movie or any other material that was not age appropriate.

Try and think back to when you were five years old. I am pretty sure that you were not watching anything like the rubbish we see today, so don’t you think that your own children deserve better. The parents that try to make the argument that it’s just music and they are just dancing, are seriously in denial and failing their responsibility as a parent.

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If you seriously want to get your children into music then teach them how to read and write music and play an instrument. Yes instruments, do you remember them? Also dance does not need to be limited to sexual simulation there are many different forms of dance, so don’t talk rubbish to me. It’s because I can read, write and play music, which is why I am able to differentiate between good music and bad music.

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It’s not just the music videos either; the stage performances are just as bad, if not worst. I’ve seen images of parents cringing at concerts as they are forced to endure some teenage kid who’s far too young to be gyrating in their little daughters face, for over ninety minutes. I would argue that most stage performances these days are similar to what you would expect to see in a seedy strip club. If you wouldn’t allow your child to enter a strip club then why are you inviting similar material into your home?

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I don’t think this is a case of me getting old or being out of touch with society. I am genuinely shocked at some of the footage that is allowed to be shown in the daytime for our children’s entertainment, and I believe it will have damaging effects on them in the future. I was shocked and disappointed to read this week about the rise in children under the age of 10 being arrested for rape in this country, this cannot be ignored. Please click link for full story: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/9687121/Children-as-young-as-10-arrested-for-rape.html

We are also experiencing a massive rise in paedophilia in England, every week more and more paedophiles appear to be coming out the woodwork. We have a responsibility as adults to protect children and to monitor what they are exposed to. In a future article I will be focusing on the sexualisation of children within today’s media, I do not believe it is unrelated to the rise in paedophiles and abuse on children.

The next time you find yourself watching filth on the television and there’s a child present, remember you are the responsible adult in the room so do your job and SWITCH IT OFF.

Sebastian Bowen.
The Fishtank Podcast.